Second Chances
by kayceejay-1
Summary: How could he hurt me this way? I didn’t believe in second chances, and he definitely didn’t deserve one, yet somehow, I wanted him to hold me and whisper how much he loved me. HGRW


**A/n: **There is some cursing in this story, mostly to add dramatic effect. If it offends you, I'm terribly sorry. Would you like a cookie or lemon drop with my apology? Anyway, you're free to read my other stories (they're far less likely to have cursing in them). Please enjoy, and don't be offended.

**Summary: **How could he hurt me this way? I didn't believe in second chances, and he definitely didn't deserve one, yet somehow, I wanted him to hold me and whisper how much he loved me. HG/RW  
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Disclaimer: **Hermione Granger is not mine. Ronald Weasley is not mine. Hogwarts is not mine. Transfiguration class is not mine. Quotation marks are not mine. Exclamation points are not mine. The English Language does not belong to me...You get the point, I hope? However (huzzah!) the plot _is_ mine!

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"You're such a know-it-all, Hermione!" Ron bellowed. "I know that you're smarter than me, but you don't have to be so fucking bossy!" 

"It's not my fault that you act so immature all the time! You act as if you should be the only one with my attention, and that my friends should just be ignored! Do you have some sort of crazy notion in your head that you're my only friend, Ronald?"

"No, but I believe I'm your only _true_ friend!"

"And what is that supposed to mean?" I shrieked.

"It's not my fault that you're such a show off and so…domineering! Your friends don't like you for you, they like you for your brains!"

I bit my lip. He couldn't really mean that, could he?

"Well at least my friends like me for my brains instead of the fact that I'm a big pompous _jerk_ who likes to push little first years around in order to feel better about myself! People are scared of you Ronald, and sometimes I don't blame them!"

"You're a bitch, Hermione." He retorted.

"Oh, how original!" I yelled, angry and almost reduced to tears. "Especially since it's coming from the biggest bastard on the planet."

"At least I don't have to sleep my way to the top of my classes!"

I gasped. He took it too far. Referring me to any type of slut meant something was seriously wrong, because he knew that it was way past the line he could never cross.

"Ronald, you are such a dense, bumbling, insecure, festering idiot! What is _wrong_ with you? If there's something bothering you, we could talk about it. There's no need for you to start a World War III and practically kill me in the process!!"

"Bloody hell, Hermione, nothing's bothering me. I take that back. _You're_ bothering me! Why can't you be like a normal girlfriend and be happy to be around me? Why can't you just leave me alone and stop wasting my time?" He roared. "I can't handle this anymore, Hermione. Why don't you go fuck Malfoy? Maybe he'll make you happy! Or you could always go read a precious _book_ and become even more of a know-it-all than you already are!"

I couldn't handle it anymore. The tears fell from my cheeks and I ran away from him. How could he say those awful things?

* * *

Only a week and a half had passed and I was already more miserable than I had ever been at Hogwarts. Ron refused to look at me, and I refused to look at him. We'd been so happy together for so long, and then all of a sudden, we weren't. I didn't know whether we were broken up or whether we were just going through a phase, but whenever someone mentioned Ron I couldn't help it. I cried. 

Harry did his best to help me through it. He told me, "Of course I love you, Hermione. I always will and I'll always be here for you. Don't worry about Ron, he'll come around. He's just acting mental. As usual." He tried to be fair and divide his time equally between Ron and I, so at least I knew I wouldn't be alone.

Ginny consoled me on how much of an idiot Ron had always been. She said that he was acting absurdly, and of course I had true friends. She was one of them, after all, wasn't she?

And though people tried to help me through everything, I still could barely survive without Ron. It was painful to admit it, but I was as despondent as I was dependant on him and I had trouble focusing on anything.

* * *

I was walking around the grounds when I saw him. It had been almost a month now, and we still hadn't spoken to each other. I wanted to ask him why he had said those things, and why he didn't feel the need to speak to me even after all that time. I wished to know how he stayed so strong when I was fighting so hard just to barely survive. 

I was so angry at him, and so confused. Why would he have done something like this? I had so much time to think it over that I knew it would eat me up inside until I told him. But I couldn't do it, whether it was my pride or my stubbornness. Perhaps it was just the fact that I was scared to death.

It turned out that I didn't have to.

Upon seeing me, he stared at me with such a longing, sad, look that I wondered what in the world he was looking at. I realized it was me, however, when he rushed up to me and, after a few moments of silence, he said the words I'd waited to hear for a month.

"I'm sorry Hermione," he whispered quietly. "I'm so, so, sorry."

"No!" I shouted, enraged. It seemed that even after he finally apologized, I was still angry as I had ever been. "You're lying! Stop lying to me!"

He tried to pulled me into a hug but I pushed him away. There was absolutely nothing he could say that would change my opinion.

"You don't understand, darling…"

I cut him off. "Don't you _dare_ call me that!"

"Hermione, please, I didn't mean any of that stuff I said."

"Shut up!" I yelled. I had finally had enough. After all that time, I finally had the chance to say what had been burning inside me. The tears were falling and my stomach was twisting in knots. The feeling of uneasiness was taking over, and I felt like I had forgotten how to breathe. "You didn't mean it? How could you not mean it!? You're a cruel, heartless _bastard_, and if I _never_ saw you again, it would be too soon. I can't stand you! Get away from me."

I turned away, hoping that he would leave. But he didn't. He stood there quietly, watching me. I knew he was there, but my back was towards him. Maybe if I just ignored him, he'd go away. Maybe if he realized that I wanted nothing to do with him, he'd leave. Or maybe he'd stay, and take me in his arms and whisper how stupid he had been and how much he loved me...

_No, _my mind screamed, _you can't forgive him for what he did! _

And I knew it to be the truth. Had all the times he told me he loved me been a lie? When he whispered how he would never hurt me, never leave me, had he been fooling me? It had taken me ages to relax enough around him to even be in that type of relationship, but had it all meant nothing? Was I really that stupid; stupid enough to not realize that he had meant none of it?

_You _loved_ him! _My mind roared accusingly. _You let him pull the wool over his eyes, and you still fell in love with him! _

I wiped the tears from my face and felt my knees collapse under me. I didn't know how long I had been sitting on the ground. I had barely even realized that I was on the ground until I heard him sit down beside me.

"Go away." I whispered. "Please just go."

I hadn't wanted him to see me like this. I had never been this weak around him. I was always strong. And now he was watching me, but I couldn't turn to face him. There was no way I'd let him see me so vulnerable.

I wondered what he could possibly be thinking.

He reached out and touched my shoulder and I flinched. I whipped my head around, shocked, and it took me a few moments before I realized that he was crying too.

"Hermione."

I didn't speak, I couldn't speak. His tears were driving me crazy. Why was _he_ crying? He had no reason to cry. It was _me_ that was having my heart ripped out of my chest and stamped on. It was_ me_ that was dealing with all the pain. He had never cried before, at least in front of me. He had told me, long ago, that the only time he had ever cried was when George turned his teddy bear into a spider. I hadn't believed him of course, but now I saw him cry, I wasn't so sure. Maybe this was the only time he had ever cried. But it didn't matter anyway. I wanted him to leave. I wanted him gone.

_Let him cry! He deserves it!_ My inner voice bit out._ Don't talk to him! Don't look at him! Let the fool hurt as much as you have hurt. Let him die inside the way you have died. He doesn't deserve your second chances or your love. He doesn't deserve _anything

But I couldn't listen to that voice. If he was really hurting as bad as I had hurt, then he deserved for me to at least hear what he had to say.

"What do you want?" I asked hollowly.

"I want you to let me explain myself." He answered back in a hoarse whisper. "Please, Hermione."

"Say what it is what you want to say, and then get out of my sight." I answered coldly.

"I love you Hermione." I scoffed at this, but let him continue. "You can't see without eyes, or hear without ears, and I can't seem to _function_ without you. I said all those things because I was afraid that I was losing myself to you. You're not a mudblood, and you know it. You're a muggle-born witch, and you just happen to be the most fantastic witch in the school, muggle-born or not. You're angelic, and smart, and beautiful. I can't lose you this way, Hermione. I was so upset and afraid when I said those horrible things. And if I could go back in time to change that, I would. I'll never forgive myself for being so stupid. But I will_ always_ love you, Hermione." _  
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I was shocked. I didn't know what to say. But I spoke anyway, trying to portray to him the heartbreak I felt.

"I don't care what you say, Ronald, because you hurt me so deeply that I'm afraid the damage is irreversible. It's been a _month_, Ron! You haven't spoken to me, or even looked at me, in a _month_! If you love me, like you say you do, then you would have never pushed me away. Or at least you wouldn't have waited this long to apologize."

"I'm begging you to give me a second chance, even though I don't deserve one. Darling…er, sorry…" He paused, but upon seeing my eyes narrow, he hurriedly continued. "I know I don't deserve another chance, Hermione, but you've always been such a good person that I'd like to ask you to let me win your trust again. I know it'll take time, maybe for the rest of my life, but I'm willing to throw away everything to prove it to you. I'll make it up to you Hermione, I promise. Please." He begged.

"I can't, Ron. I'll never be able to know if you mean what you say."

"Can't you see how much I love you? Don't you love me?" he begged, the tears still falling silently.

"I did love you. I loved you for the longest time. But you betrayed me. You _hurt_ me. How am I to know that you haven't lied this whole time?"

"Because I trust your instincts and I trust you enough to believe, even if it's deep in my heart, that you know I would never hurt you on purpose and that I really do love you."

"I do love you, Ron." I whispered, as quietly as possible. Maybe I hoped he wouldn't hear me. But he did, and he grabbed me in his arms and held me close. He gripped me so tight I was afraid he would suffocate me. He acted as if I would float away, or something, but I knew as soon as he touched me that I'd never be able to leave him. Even after all the hurt and pain he caused, I'd always stay with him, and I'd always love him.

"I love you too, Hermione. Oh God, I love you too." He whispered back, hugging me and letting me cry. We both cried, sitting in a tiny ball on the ground. "I'll never ever say anything so horrid to you or betray you like that as long as I live. I love you, Hermione. I love you. I love you. Oh God, I love you…"

And he continued like that, and I smiled. Through all the hurt, he was doing what I had hoped for. He was holding me in a way that made me feel safe, and he was telling me how much he loved me.

It would take time, but I would learn to trust him again.

After all, I loved him. Even if he was the biggest bastard on the planet.

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**A/n: **Then end!Please, please, _please_ review and let me know what you thought! I know it's kind of a strange little one-shot, written only over a month time period and all that, but I like it. I guess that's why I posted it. 


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